Crushed...

Hi there,

i'm looking at the clock rite now, tik.. tok.. tik.. tok.. it's showing 1.32 pm.

the tv is on, showing the channel of E! - Behind the Scenes.

i can hear the voice of the running fan and some vehicles running on the road in front of my home.

the lamp above me is on.

i am breathing. yeah.. in an out.

but my life doesn't seem that way. i'm crushed.

i know that my life is much better than 100k++ teens around the world that can't have a happy family, can't have an education, can't enjoy watching the tv, can't sit in front of the notebook - opening blogger.com - and writing this rite now with 3x of meals per day.

ok, back to the topic. what i'm gonna write is about my feeling today.

well, lesse, i open this, my lovely blog today-since i just left it several months ago.

and i found out that i got too many drafts--unposted blog since June 09.

i count it, 1..2... and 7 drafts?????

i'm kinda shock ya know, how could it be?

some of the drafts, i wrote it almost 1000words, but i just left them unposted.

-____-"

i read back what i've written--the drafts, and i found very interested sentences which i DID write at that time.

here's the pic. :

YUP! she's right.

i feel my life is suck, --since i graduated from high school.

i think that i am not ready facing this cruel world.

it just that.... life doesn't seem to run the way i want.

i know, life will still run, ready or not ready, with or without me.

then, why don't i do something to change my life?

i must not be complaining all the time.

i must manage my almost crushed life.

well... i think i gotta start it from the smallest one, my room, coq i got a messy room rite now.

need to manage it. hahahaha...

i must GO, moving towards the new life for a better future!!!

see yaaaa til the next post. ;)

Last word for my first job.

hei, it's the end of Feb already!
oh my GOSH....
time runs so fast.

eeuum..
about my current job.
i said it in Jan that i wanna quit in the end of Feb.


well, things were kinda uncontrolled at that time. so, when i told my manager, i didn't *ok, ok, just a lil* feel that i was wrong doing it, leaving her with massive works to be done.

i got lots of supports from my best friend, without her, there's no today's me *freeing from hell*.
i'm so glad, she came back for months. it's just like that she's in our hometown just to support me! she said much and opened my eyes. :)


no one understands me more than her.
*aahh.. i think i'm exaggerating now*


these few days will be the very last days of me working in that office. *coq of stupid stocks, if no, i will be freed by now!*
for now, i won't miss it to much. but later, i don't know.
*natural behavior of human? it sucks!*

i admit it,________________________________________

i learn a lot working @ there.
i got to face many kinds of people, with kind of styles. *some of them are weird*
i have more braveness to face people and talk fluently.
i learn to do things fast.
i learn to value the running time, coq even a second could change people's life a lot.

_________________________________________

at the end, thank you for letting me to have such a great experience in my life.

A Madness Inside My Laugh Everyday.

to be honest,

i am a.. kind of fair person. *you may laugh*

i'll say that i'm wrong and i'll accept if i have to be scolded for my mistakes..

BUT, one thing for sure.

i hate TO BE SCOLDED while i DIDN'T do ANY WRONG at ALL!!!!!!

today is the second time..

the first time is that fatty a** sh!t who thinks he's skillful while no.

he scolded me, while i were not wrong..

i were just following orders from my kind manager.

and a 'BUT' again,

well, the point is, my manager THREW the mistake to me.

WTF!!!!

i were so SAD n MAD that i wanna throw all the things around me.

that's the first.

it's tiring you know, when the same things had to happen again and again.

i almost give up today. *and i WILL in this short time*

today i were scolded *again*

she said something that made my heart ruins.., likely millions of sword were stacked in my heart from all the way.

i didn't do ANY wrong at all.

i didn't KNOW that the FCUKing contractor HAD TOLD my manager that he had 5 rooms to be measured by J.

and i didn't KNOW that my kind manager HAD TOLD J that he had to measure 5 rooms ONLY.

she blamed me by saying, "i don't wanna know if u KNEW it or FORGOT it, but one thing is sure, you didn't have to believe J's word only."

when i replied her words with, "i didn't get any information about this, i didn't even read the paper you wrote to J."

where and to whom should i ask while she were so busy, with her important things and some that don't IMPORTANT at all?????

i know that i-am-so-lame-in-remembering-things.

but she doesn't have to say that while i really really and REALLY didn't get the information.

she likely threw all her angers to me.

i... can't forgive her easily this time.

*sob*

i wanna quit my job....

i had enough of this........

this job is a FCUK.

Nostalgia 1 : I miss them.

today is the beginning of October 2009,

i were browsing the facebook, and viewing one of my friend's homepage.
i saw his photo, he's using the photo which we took on the last day of the school --the last day we wear our lovely but stupid 'uniform'.
and on his personal message, he wrote:

"i'm looking at my high school's photos, miss all of my classmates! another day again i miss you all so much!!"

i suddenly realize that i miss my school's friend too..

May,
June,
July,
August,
September,
and..
October.

5 months... only, but the feeling of mad, angry, sad, happy, laughing blended together inside my heart.

i feel lonely.

how can i?
i thought that i would be happy to be freed from the-hell,
meeting such egoistic, want-to-win-alone, scored-crazy, kind-like-angel, child-act, mother-complex, and tricky friends.

they all are my friends,
such amazing friends were around me at that time,

i miss the day when we were laughing together,
i miss the day when we were crying together,
i miss the day when we were discussing what names should we use for our pet's name on Pet Society,
i miss the day when we were talking about Pet Society all the day --anywhere and anytime,
i miss the day when we were doing our best for the drama of Romeo & Juliet,
i miss the day when we were making fun the teacher, when all of us agreed to fool the teacher,
i miss the day when we were having a fight and didn't talk each other,
i miss the day when we were getting mad by the teacher,
i miss the day when we were skipping the class by going to the toilet,
i miss the day when we were eating, chatting and even sleeping together during the class,
i miss the day when we were cheating together during the test.



I MISS ALL OF THE THINGS WE HAD THRU TOGETHER...

After the drama of Romeo & Juliet
~May 13, 2008~
when all of us were happy for sure.., remember it?

now, we've separated into all of the side of the world,
some of us are in Australia, Singapore, Malaysia, China, Indonesia-Jkt..

when will all of us meet again?
and what'd happen at that time?
everybody would change for sure --physically and mentally.
no one knows beside The One.

Things i've regretted : Part I

UAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA...
2 months have passed since i wrote something on my dearest blog.


sorry for not updating you, my blog.
i had LOTS of things to do since i get my work that i couldn't get online everyday, and i got tired often!
*sigh, is this life? how cruel!*

the Last Trip with my friends to KL-GTG-SG had passed as well,
8 days 7 nights didn't feel long.
time goes forward quickly,
everything that had been done can't be reversed whatever you do.

i've lived for 18 years already on this earth,
and i have many things to be regretted.

what i'd done,
what i'd got,
what i'd given,
what i'd tried,
what i'd fought,
what i'd had,
what i'd said,
whom i'd met.. til now.
i've ever regretted some of them.

i'll write all the things i regretted later.



PS : i won't mind to be cruel on someone on here, because i'm telling the truth of what i think on someone in my mind.